The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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