Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
