Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't shave. On purpose
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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