I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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