I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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