he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
