i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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