Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize