I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
