Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Holy sore nipples Batman
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
