she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize