you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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