Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
