My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
