I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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