i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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