I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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