Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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