I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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