you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
