so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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