I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
