this beer tastes like vomit already
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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