Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
