There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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