You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
