I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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