You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
