i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
