rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
