my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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