I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
