I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
