I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
