This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
