I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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