So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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