I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
