my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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