I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
