Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
