We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Randomize
