He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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