He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
God I need to hump something, right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
