you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
