After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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