told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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