just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
