I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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