Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
