Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
