and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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