New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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