What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
