we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
