how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
