The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
