Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
