guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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