Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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