we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
