How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
